


Far Too Much Is Too Much

by WolfBeils



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Heavy Angst, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26998102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfBeils/pseuds/WolfBeils
Summary: A little too much is enough for him. But far too much is just too much.
Kudos: 1





	Far Too Much Is Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> Hector is portrayed as he is at the epilogue of FE7 at 32 years old. You may know this iteration better as how he appears in his Halloween alt in FEH.

It was times like these he’s glad no one’s a mind reader in this here castle. He could go about his day being his usual self- friendly, mature, and strong. And then when the day settled, he could finally be alone. Alone time is something Hector learnt to value shortly after coming home those fifteen years back. Despite that, being alone wasn’t going to make him fully express his innermost feelings on a low day.

He just couldn’t do it. Even when there’s no eyes looking his way and no one around him, he couldn’t let his strong face go down. It became second nature many years ago to keep up a strong face- to never be openly sad. To never cry as well. It’s weakness, he thinks- weakness to not be strong and stoic all the time.

He had so much on his back. So much on his back that letting himself feel outwardly down, even for a moment, felt like taboo. This is what he wants to be- a _strong_ man that people can _always_ rely on, like Uther was to him. To live up to such strength and goodness is his goal in life. To people he had expressed that goal to, they think he’s _more_ than there when it comes to that goal. It may well be true really. There’s a scarce amount of men and women who are more kind, selfless, and strong like he is.

* * *

As the marquess stood at the balcony, all he did was stare right ahead with a straight face. It’s late at night, Lilina has been put to bed and there’s next to no one else awake in the castle. The room he vacated to is also more or less away from most people. It’s one of the many spare rooms, made for visitors whenever any happened to come by. Selfishly, Hector used this one every so often as his escape from well- everything.

It’s this time he used to think on that everything. All that’s on his shoulders, the state of Lycia (namely Bern), how Eliwood and Roy are doing, and of course Lilina- naturally, lots of things about Lilina. He didn’t show it but he worried so much for her future. While he liked to think that the curse is a thought he can deal with by now, Lilina being in the picture triggered so much worry.

He’s aware that she’s smart and talented- especially for her age. He’s of course _well_ aware of how she takes good care in her studies for the future she’s destined for. But even with that, he knows that she’d never be ready for him to die like he will. What if he dies when she’s still young, and not as ready to take up his titles? Worst case, she could even _see_ him die like he will. Even worse case, _all of those at once_.

That last part always made him sick to his stomach. The thought of Lilina being there, witnessing whatever way he goes out far too young. There’s so many horrid ways he could go out and the thought of her witnessing any of those made him want to just throw up over the balcony with how intense the anxiety is regarding that. It disgusted him that he even felt that way. He felt pathetic for feeling so much anxiety. He _knows_ that he’s bound to feel it. But that didn’t stop him from hating that he felt such ways.

The thoughts made his expression shift just a little bit. He bit his lip for a few moments out of the stress it gave him. It just added onto the already concurrent thoughts running through his mind. Everything swam round his head. The amount of weight on his shoulders, those who rely on him, the potentially impending danger to Lycia or even _Elibe_ , his daughter’s safety and future. While he said that too much is enough for him- this was just _too_ much even for someone with as much pain tolerance in both senses as him. He gripped the guard tighter even if it felt mildly uncomfortable to grip solid stone that strongly. But he expressed all that stress in that grip.

For a moment, he could hear echoes in his head. Pained cries of his name. There were three voices that really stuck out like sore thumbs- Roy, Eliwood, and… _Lilina_. He groaned at such noises, shaking his head a little to try and whisk those voices away. But they wouldn’t go away and it tormented him to a degree he almost didn’t want to handle. It’s all too much. The voices, the thoughts of impending doom, the amount on his shoulders and at his back. It drove him insane on the inside and his heart was starting to beat real fast as if it could burst out of his chest. He wanted to scream for it to stop but it was too late- his sheer volume would surely attract attention that he didn’t want.

He didn’t know what to do at all with these feelings. His grip on the guard lightened a tad. His eyes slowly moved down and so did his head. Down to look below. At another sudden moment’s notice…

“No!” he said sharply under his breath.

Hector pushed on the guard, and he lost balance momentarily as he went backwards. He failed to keep his balance and took a rear-first fall to the floor. His breathing was heavy, and coarse. He started to sweat a little bit as he rose to his feet and turned to the closed door.

He opened said door to get back into the room. Before he went to exit said room, he stood rooted to just breathe for a few more seconds and wipe the sweat of his forehead with his poofy sleeve. Once he was sure he’s calmed, he grabbed the dimly lit lantern he had set on the table and went through the door, making sure to shut it quietly.

Though to his surprise, a guard on night patrol was right outside. The knight was equally surprised to see his lord up at this hour, let alone coming out of one of the spare rooms.

“Lord Hector? What are you doing at this hour?” the man questioned.

Hector simply put on his usual casual, strong face and a fake smile towards him.

“Ah, I just tripped over my own feet checking the rooms, worry not. Go, run along now.” Hector replied, awfully casual in tone as if he didn’t have quite the attack two minutes ago.

“Yes, sir. Goodnight.” the knight said.

The guard simply nodded and went on his way. Hector did the same, sighing in relief once he was away from the man.

It’s amazing how he could keep such a strong on demand like that. Even through all the stress in his life both from past and present.

He seemed like such a picture perfect person on the outside but on the inside, he’s just scared shitless.


End file.
